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The Will
When her late husband’s will was read, a widow learned he had left the bulk of his fortune to another woman. Enraged she rushed to change the inscription on her spouse’s tombstone.
“Sorry lady”, said the stone cutter,”I inscribed rest in peace’ on your orders. I can’t change it now.”
“Very well,” she said grimly. “Just add, until we meat again.”
Honest Lawyer !
A dying man gathered his lawyer, doctor, and clergyman at his bed site and handed each of them an envelope containing $25000 in cash. He made them promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life.
A week later the man died. At the wake , the lawyer. The doctor and clergyman, each concealed in the coffin and bid their old friend farewell.
By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that their was only $10,000 in the envelope, he placed in the coffin. He felt rather than waste all the money, he would send it to mission in South America. He asked their forgiveness.
The doctor moved by the gentle clergyman’s sincerity , confessed that he too had kept some of money for worthy medical charity. The envelope he admitted had only $8000 in it. He said he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to benefit the others.
By this time the lawyer was seething with self righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends. “ I am the only one who kept his promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained the full amount. Indeed, my envelope contained my personal cheque for entire $25,000.”
Weight Loss
One time when I was home visiting my folks, my mom asked me to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risqué picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantly-clad young woman.
“Mom, what’s this?” I asked.
“Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat,” she answered.
“Is it working? I asked.
Yes and no,” she explained ,” I have lost, 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!”